2023-04-28 It's dark this early Friday morning

Fri 28 Apr 2023 05:28:03 AM CDT

I managed to awaken and feel rather awake just before 4:00am, today. Part of it is the gout in the hand knuckle in the ring finger of me left had, the place I usually experience gout symptoms first after having eaten too much of what I shouldn't, especially in a degrees of dehydration context. Joints injured in the past tend to manifest crystallized uric acid sooner than other joints. I injured this particular joint while horsing around with a girlfriend in my parents' swimming pool over forty years ago.

So I'm awake, drinking as much water as I can literally stomach.

I'm also wondering how to get out of a weird loop of feeling I'm not doing what I ought to be doing regardless what I'm doing.

Might that possibly have something to do with what I've come to learn is the bogocity of selfhood?

In other words, that there is no actual person willing/doing anything, but simply thoughts of such happening such that it seems - to said purely thought (of) being - to be happening as *though* there were an actual person willing/doing things?

Yeah, I know: not easy to follow.

And yet "I" feel especially anxious about not doing what "I" ought to be doing when writing about much of anything else. All posts/writings seem to head this direction or they seem worthless, just the chitter chatter of an alleged being utterly separate from all not alleged being.

Surely you must be feeing pangs at this point, dear reader?